A Story About Absolutely Nothing

From start to finish.

By John Pacheco

Hey there. How’s it going? Obviously, you’re a little bored, because you just clicked on a link that literally said that it was nothing. A literal waste of your time. Or maybe you were just curious to see what this story is all about. To that I say, “nothing much.”

‘Cus you see, like life, this story isn’t much when you first open it. It doesn’t have much meaning, and it might look a bit boring. But it has the potential to be amazing. That’s why you’re still reading this, isn’t it? To see if it gets any better?

So you decide, “What the heck. It’s not like I’ve got anything else to do.” And you keep going. You read on and on, and by this time you start thinking about other things. You start thinking about yesterday, when you rode your bike to the park to go hang with your friends. Now you realize that you just read through an entire paragraph without paying attention, and have to reread it again. What a drag.

You finished reading that paragraph twice? Congratulations! Now on with our little story about nothing.

Question: how old are you? Not trying to be creepy; I’m just curious. I’m curious because, depending on how old you are, your life is going to be a little different than mine. If you’re a freshman (or a sophomore), you’re probably in a bit of a social dilemma right now. I know only because that’s how my underclass years went: constant drama. Today I don’t get into that sort of thing, and most seniors try to stay out of it as well. Why? Because we literally don’t care anymore. We won’t see any of these faces in a couple months, so why bother having drama? Just live life to the fullest. That’s what I go by, at least.

Hey, do you like animals? Look at this turtle eating a strawberry! It’s so cute, right?! I got it from Pixy.org.

I send this picture to my friends when they are sad. It usually cheers them up.

I miss the days when the most stressful thing in life was wondering if the person you liked liked you back. Now, I have college stuff I have to do, and that is about the most stressful thing ever. If you’ve never done anything for college, let me tell you: It’s a lot of fun, but it’s also extremely terrifying. By the way, if you’re an underclassman reading this, start now. Because it sucks to wait.

Did you know that blue is the average favorite color of the world? You probably didn’t, but it makes sense, right? You usually hear over half your class say they like it during the ice breaker at the beginning of the year. University of Maryland sociologist Philip Cohen found this out by asking 2,000 people, both men and women, what their favorite colors were. Second bests were green for guys, and purple for girls. Personally, I like red, but whatever.

Planning for college is scary because you start to realize what’s going to happen next year. You know you’re going to have to start saving money for this, but you start to realize just how expensive it’s gonna be. (Again, start now). You start to realize that the people you know now you’ll probably never talk to again. You start to freak out, because you know you aren’t going to have anyone to help you with guilt or help you through stressful situations.You sit there and you think, “holy ****, I’m gonna have to actually act like an adult in a couple months!” It makes you just want to close your eyes and scream.

Sorry, I got a little carried away up there. But it’s literally the saddest thing to think about: leaving. It makes you wish for those good old days, when you could just sit on the porch and laugh with your friends without a care in the world. It makes you want to go get ice cream with your grandparents one last time, or go play catch with your dad.

I got kind of personal with you during this, didn’t I? Whelp, now you know a little bit about me. Hope this helped you pass the time at your doctor’s appointment, or wherever you are. Have a nice day, and make sure to check out some more stories, you might find them more interesting than they sound.

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